"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
