Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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