what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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