So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
