Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
