I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
