Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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