I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
