We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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