I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This house was built for laser tag.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
