I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
