There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize