I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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