a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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