just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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