my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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