U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
