wrigley field is MILF paradise
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
