So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
People in love make me want to vomit
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
