i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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