she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
