I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
