Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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