Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
