1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just had sex on a roof
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
