After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
