LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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