But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
zippers are such a cool invention
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
