No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He passed out mid-signature
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
