I can tuck mytits in my pants
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
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