We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
