Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
