Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
