3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize