I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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