I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
