dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize