I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
