we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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