dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
