Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
