This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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