Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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