No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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