It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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