my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it hurts more in the daytime
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
