batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
