"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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