first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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