So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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