I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
