i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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