happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Boobs are out for the taking
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
