I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize