i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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