Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
