i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
