I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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