After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize