i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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