I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
