I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
