i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
