When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
