are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
