You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
