I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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