Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
well I can't set my house on fire every night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it glows. i had to have it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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