I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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