Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you would pick up someone in the library
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
