How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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