We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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